I saw something like this on Prior Fat Girl and I loved it. I tweaked it for myself. For that post, click here.
You are hereby notified that you are being evicted and you must vacate the premises as soon as possible. Please leave none of your remnants behind.
Failure to comply with the terms above will result in punitive measures to recoup the loss of enjoyment in life that your presence has caused. You have brought morale down for the last time.
In other words, pack your sh*t and get out.